In this article, I aim to dispute a commonly held doctrinal position by churches and denominations across the globe. I think Satan has used this doctrine being taught in most churches to not only damage families but to effectively neuter the impact the church has on the world. We are called to be salt and light to the world (Matthew 5:13–16) and are told that this is not a gospel of peace but a gospel that will divide families (Luke 12:49–53). In view of that, I make no effort to placate cultural norms. This article is a look at scripture first and then letting application follow from that no matter how uncomfortable the conclusion. This is not meant to cause division in the church as we are called to be unified under Christ (Titus 3:10, Romans 16:17). Consider this my attempt to expose a foothold of the devil to all Christians fighting for the Lord. To reiterate my earlier point; inside the church, culture must follow the truth. Never the other way around.
For this reason, a man will leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5). This is an interesting verse in the context of marriage and polygamy. The monogamy-only crowd uses this as the main source of proof that polygamy was never part of God’s design but to do so is adding to scripture. Firstly this verse is a definition of marriage. It is specifying that marriage requires two parts, a man and a woman, and the act of marriage is the joining of these two parts into a union, or one. Barring the physical and social implications of this we know a few things. Firstly we are still separate beings in the sense of our salvation and once we are in heaven. The Sadducees illustrate this for us by trying to trap Jesus with a question about the levirate law in the New Testament (Matthew 22:23–33). The levirate law was the law where God commanded the brother of a man with no children to marry his wife upon his death and provide her with children. This command interestingly does not exclude or provide any exception if the man was already married so would rightly be taken in a polygamist-friendly culture to mean even in the case of polygamy. To assert otherwise would be to deny the basic understanding of the command as it was presented to the people it was given to. Back on track though. The Sadducees asked Jesus if a wife was married under the levirate law over the course of time to seven different brothers, who would she be married to in heaven? Jesus very clearly says no one will be married or given in marriage in heaven. This not just implies but outright states that the marriage relationship does not extend into the afterlife. This means there is no joining of souls or spiritual becoming one person as some Christians claim. Next, we must examine the fact that the two shall become one is not an exclusive statement or any sort of statement disallowing this from happening multiple times. This is God’s definition of marriage requiring two parts. That marriage could occur multiple times and there’s no language here that would make that untrue. If he had said that the two will become one flesh and that is the stopping point monogamy would clearly be the only allowed form of marriage but simply put the scripture doesn’t. Additionally, if we claim the need to read between the lines, we would be trying to add to the Bible and are in danger of wrath under Revelation (Revelation 22:18–19).
Polygamy being a sin presents theological issues around many figures in the Old Testament as well as the early church’s view on the topic. Let’s take one example. Jacob was one of the three patriarchs of Israel and a polygamist married to Leah and Rachel (Genesis 29). If polygamy was violating God’s definition of marriage his marriage to Rachel after his marriage to Leah would have been adultery and should have been called a sin. Instead, God allows for the passing of a blessing to the offspring of Rachel and indeed honors the marriage just as he honors the marriage with Leah. There’s no reprimand, there’s not even an eyelid batted. How can a man be called righteous, be blessed for faithfulness, and be used as an example of how to live throughout the Bible including in the New Testament if he were committing a consistent sin every day through his adultery? Additionally, God closed and opened Rachel and Leah’s wombs. And Leah proclaimed that God heard her pleas and opened her womb, giving her a son as payment for giving her handmaid to Jacob (Genesis 30:17–18). God does not reward wickedness, but faithfulness. Polygamists would be the only topic in the entire bible where someone was presented in such a manner and would be inconsistent with the rest of the scripture. This simply does not add up and this is just one of many cases of polygamy to cite.
Additionally, when Nathan the prophet comes to visit David after the whole David and Bathsheba instance (2 Samuel 12) he states that God gave David blessings in the form of rulership, household, and wives and would have given him more had he so asked. God does not give sinful things. I’ve heard the argument made that he was just referring to rulership and wealth but this is simply not the case and even a basic understanding of Hebrew eliminates this possibility. God was telling David that he had no need to steal what someone else had. Because if David wanted more dominion to rule, wealth in his household, or wives, he had only to ask, and God would have happily given him more.
Next, we see evidence in God himself referring to himself as a polygamist. This one seems to be shocking to mainstream evangelicals more often than not. God claims marriage to both Israel and Judah as individual wives and sisters (Jeremiah 3). He states some parameters around his husbandly relationship with each and the discipline of each as his wives. This is a very uncomfortable passage for most evangelicals to preach on as they basically have to dance around the fact that God straight-up calls himself a polygamist. I’ve had a conversation in the past where someone claimed “Yes he had two wives but he never used the word polygamy”. If the definition of polygamy is one man with many wives and God describes himself as having multiple wives then he is a polygamist by definition. 2+2 doesn’t equal 5 for your convenience.
Let’s take a look at a New Testament reference. This one has been translated out of existence in many modern English translations but if you look back at the Greek it’s obvious what’s happening. The parable of the bridegroom and the oil lamps (Matthew 25) is oftentimes looked at as 1 groom with 10 bridesmaids waiting for the groom to come along so that they can go into a feast. There are a couple of issues with this. Firstly neither in Jewish tradition nor cultural understanding was there such a thing as a bridesmaid or a maiden in waiting at Jewish weddings. That concept came much later. The tradition was the wife would wait for the husband to return and it could take up to a year for the groom to show up. This was highly symbolic and very culturally entwined. Secondly, the actual wedding itself involved a consummation between the bride and the bridegroom. There are other traditions that rose as a result of this including the garter being taken off by the groom in some more modern weddings. When it says he was going in from a traditional standpoint and from the cultural understanding of the time he was going into multiple maidens to have sex with them and become one. In other words, he was marrying those girls. The ones who had oil in their lamps got married and the ones who didn’t miss their marriage. The word used is γάμους which is the plural of the word weddings. Literally, this passage is saying then they went into their weddings. This even fits better in the context of the parable than the bridesmaid story misinterpretation since God is talking about salvation and being ready. Salvation repeatedly in the new testament is referenced as the marriage and being prepared is being ready to get married or Christ marrying his bride the church (2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelation 19:7–8, Revelation 21:1–2) and all the members therein. Going into the weddings and getting married is consistent with the parable and the rest of the new testament as an analogy for salvation.
Another common argument is that God only created Adam and Eve and didn’t create multiple women from Adam. This argument is an argument of omission. In other words, because God did something one way and not another, the way he didn’t do it must be wrong. Are we as Christians locked to what God has given specific directions on? Did Jesus drink tea? Do you have the right to drink tea? Surly Jesus drank something so do we need to figure out what that was and only drink that? This would be ridiculous. Just because God didn’t create multiple women is neither confirmation nor denial of the legitimacy of polygamy. Good reading hygiene would dictate that all we can glean from this was that being fruitful and multiplying required at least one male and one female part. Anything more is adding to scripture and actively adopting a logical fallacy called “Appeal to ignorance” or claiming something is wrong simply because it hasn’t been proven right. In this case, God chose to create only Eve. If he had created Eve, Amanda, and Elie would that somehow mean monogamy was not allowed? Would we need to all have 3 wives? Additionally, monogamy only was never explicitly preached in the Bible. There is not a single reference claiming it was. Using that same fallacy it could just as easily be claimed monogamy was wrong every bit as much as you could claim polygamy. To that, I will simply say you can’t have your cake and eat it too if you want to claim vilification by omission then you must claim it across the board not selectively as you see fit. In other words, if you can’t preach a polygamy doctrine since it isn’t in the Bible then you also can’t preach a monogamy doctrine since it is also not in the Bible. Examples of both are present but neither is sanctioned as the right way for all marriages to imitate.
These are just a couple of the things that dismantle the monogamy-only doctrine. Not only is it not found in the Bible, scripture totally neglects to even slightly vilify polygamy. It isn’t portrayed in a negative light more than monogamy and there is never an objection to it. There is no reference to it being wrong and it is actually governed in the Mosaic law as a provision for women and the nation of Israel. To make the claim that it was wrong one would need to find the place where God said it was wrong. We have already dismantled the genesis arguments. We have shown that God refers to wives as blessings and offered David more if he asked. We have seen God refer to himself as a polygamist in Jeremiah and use it in a parable about Christians being married into salvation. Any of these points on their own would be enough to contradict a monogamy-only doctrine but together the evidence is overwhelming. Added to all of this, if God is our standard for righteousness, and his relationship with us is the template for marriage, then we should model ourselves after him. Both God the Father and God the Son describe themselves to us as having multiple wives. How can anybody say it is unholy or wrong when it is His example toward us?
Lastly, in modern churches, we have a problem that we’ve created for ourselves by preaching an unbiblical monogamy-only doctrine. The first commandment of the Bible is to be fruitful and multiply. This command was never removed nor was it given an end date. As such we must treat it just as we treat every other command in the Bible that it still applies and is still the way things work. To do otherwise is to add conditions to commands in scripture and as we have already covered adding to scripture is not allowed. Another set of commands in the Bible precludes Christians from going outside the church for marriage. Both the command to not be unequally yoked with a non-believer (2 Corinthians 6:14) and in 1 Corinthians 7:39 where Paul is talking about the remarriage of widows only being allowed in the case where they were marrying a Christian. There are some other references that shed light on this as well but the point is in order to fulfill the first command in the Bible women must get married and in order to fulfill commands given elsewhere in the Bible they must not marry outside the church. According to the Pew Research Group in 2014 45% of churchgoers were men and 55% were women (https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2015/05/12/chapter-3-demographic-profiles-of-religious-groups/). In light of this, I would argue that a monogamy-only viewpoint is forcing women to disobey the very first command of God or later commands given. By pushing this narrative we are being harmful and I think Satan is getting his mileage out of it. While an argument could be made that this issue could be solved by simply working to convert more men, I don’t think that is practical. Nor do I agree with any direction counter to converting everyone under the sun as opportunity allows. Limiting your following of the great commission due to the composition of your church seems completely wrong and counter-biblical. The only solution I see here is for Christians to recognize polygamy for what it is. It is not a sin and it is God’s solution for a number of issues both social and Church related.
If there is a desire for a deeper dive into this topic I would be willing to write something down the road. Maybe an examination of where the Monogamy only doctrine has its roots or the effects this doctrine has had on the modern-day church. Additional discussion and resources can be found at https://www.biblicalfamilies.org/forum.